How I Know My Dog Is a Republican
A political analysis of a 14 pound negotiator with a 4 year old brain and a filibuster bark
See original post on Facebook.
After years of observation, I can now confidently report that my dog is, without question, a Republican. Not because she watches cable news (she loves Gutfeld) but because of her behavior.
1. She Believes in Small Government, Especially in the Kitchen
If she had her way, the only regulation in the house would be, “Thou shalt not block access to the treats”
She polices her territory with the vigilance of a border agent who’s had too much caffeine.
Every crumb is hers. Every plate is hers. Every sound of a wrapper opening is a constitutional right.
2. She Negotiates Like a Seasoned Senator
This dog doesn’t “ask” for treats.She negotiates.
First, she tries charm.
Then she tries intimidation (the bark).
Then she tries psychological warfare, the sad eyes, dramatic sigh, the “I’m starving even though I just ate” performance.
If all else fails, she filibusters by barking nonstop until someone caves.
Honestly, Congress should take notes.
3. Her Bark Is Bigger Than Her Bite, Classic Politician Move
She will stand on the couch, puff out her chest, and bark like she’s defending the nation from an invading army. The “invading army” is usually the Amazon driver, her own reflection in the window or a dog on a commercial on TV.
But she delivers that bark with the confidence of someone who has never lost a debate.
4. She Outsmarts Everyone
They say Jack Russells have the brain of a 4 Yr old so she’s obviously smarter then most Democrats (watch Ketanji B Jackson in the Supreme court hearing today) and even some Republicans (I’m not naming names, yet).
She knows how to open doors.
She knows how to guilt trip humans (I need to hide the remote so she can't watch MSNBC!)
She knows how to manipulate the schedule
If she ever ran for office, she’d win on pure charisma and stubbornness alone.
5. She Believes in Freedom , Especially Freedom to Do Whatever She Wants
Rules?
Guidelines?
Leashes?
She respects none of them.
She is a freedom loving, boundary pushing, constitution waving little firecracker.
6. She’s Fiercely Loyal
To anyone holding a snack.
She’ll defend you from danger, real or imagined, with the enthusiasm of someone who thinks she’s 120 pounds instead of 14.
Conclusion: My Dog Is Definitely a Republican and a lot like President Trump!
She’s loud.
She’s opinionated.
She’s stubborn.
She’s clever.
She negotiates like a pro.
She believes in freedom, personal responsibility, and the right to bark at anything she wants.
And honestly? She’d probably run a tighter campaign than half the humans out there.
If she ever announces her candidacy, I’m putting her on the ballot.
Carol Pefley
Candidate for Ca State Assembly
